GI JOE Mean Dog

Presenting the GI Joe Mean Dog!

This is a very unique and rare classic GI Joe vehicle that my oldest friend traded for with me for a modern GI Joe Retaliation Ninja Cruiser and Ninja Commando 4x4 in the middle of last year. If you follow the Dark Lord Dungeon Instagram account, you would have seen it there and it's been waiting for an opportunity to make an appearance here.

Personally though since the price of the Ninja Cruiser and Ninja Commando 4x4 dropped over the holidays, he may have walked away with the short end of the straw. Sorry dude! :D

I love this vehicle! It's crazy! The Mean Dog looks like something cobble together for use by the Expendables.



In a nutshell, what you have here is a massive train of destruction that can separate into three platforms: an armored mobile gun-platform; an armored mobile missile platform, and; a stationary heavy-arms gun platform. So yes, it looks like something that the Expendables would use. They'd knock the door open, leave the gun-platform to laydown hell while the other two vehicles raise all kinds of chaos.



Released in 1998 (26 Years ago!!!! I have friends younger than this toy!), the box for this particular GI Joe Mean Dog is long gone, but the commercial can still be found on YouTube which states that the "Mean Dog's got a bad bite! Looking for Cobra and itching to fight!"

It's pilot, Backstop is unfortunately still with my friend.

What's to like about the GI JOE Mean Dog?

It's a ton of fun! Let's forget the impracticality of it for a moment. IT'S A LOT OF FUN!!!!

It moves fast, it's armored, has a big gun up front, 10 missiles to back it up, and a really, really BIG GUN to seal the deal.

That's why I used the GI Joe Retaliation boys for this vehicle - also because I didn't know where to put them and I'm still saving up for another Little Bird (Lady Jaye and Bruce Willis are currently riding my fully restored Rolling Thunder).

There's almost no angle that the GI Joe Mean Dog cannot cover:

Then the Mean Dog can separate into TWO parts:



The front half pops out of the rear front carriage simply by sliding the armor plating of the second vehicle back. The rear half can actually continue as is, but it tends to be back heavy given that the portion meant to balance it is now gone.

Let's tackle that front half first. We can imagine that it's built for speed (It does have a V-8 Fuel injected 440 BHP Secondary Engine - Note, this engine only comes live when the Mean Dog separates) and is maneuvered by the third wheel that provides it the ability to turn on a dime despite having such a wide front base:

It's lightly armed of course, but that's till a heavy machine-gun up on top, specifically an M60 .50 caliber in a "Fire Ring" pivot. Too bad it doesn't elevate. This vehicle actually reminds me of a WWII M8 armored car.

The front clam shell opens up to reveal seats for three - pilot, co-pilot and gunner. Also kinda reminds me of the interior of Humvee.

What time does this movie start?

So now we drop the rear gun and the GI Joe Mean Dog is fully deployed as three sections:



The middle part is a mobile missile platform that bears a pair of upward rotation-multi-missile banks each bearing five SAM-12 "Multi-Max" Surface to Air Missiles - which limits this mobile-missile platform to an anti-air role - despite not having any form of radar. It is fast though, since it bears the main engine of the Mean Dog - a V-10 Multi-fuel 830 BHP Super-charged Drive.

Which leaves us with the Stand Alone Pivoting Automatic cannon. This platform not only compensates for whatever issues steroid using ex-wrestlers may have with the size of their genitals, it also bears an M200 Spitfire 20mm Automatic Cannon that fires 3,000 rounds per minute.

Now THAT's a phallic symbol!!!

What's NOT to like about the GI JOE Mean Dog?

Well if this existed in the real world, the GI Joe Mean Dog would be stopped by anybody shooting in a straight line from left-to-right or right-to-left (Doesn't really matter) thanks to the front armor which relies on the idea that the slits will prevent bullets from entering by deflecting them.

Yeah. That's happening.

Then the .50 caliber doesn't elevate, there's no radar - maybe they're self guided, but you need to know they're there right? - for the anti-air missile platform. AND!!! firing any of those missiles should burn the hell out of whoever is on the Mean Dog or driving the anti-air platform.

Then there's the pivoting autocannon which is basically a sitting duck with almost no armor and which will probably keel over with the first strong wind or with the recoil of the weapon being fired.

But the biggest problem is that it's old. Clip locks that held the Autocannon to the Mean Dog's chassis and held the legs in place as well are long gone. The Autocannon legs are actually supposed to be flush at body level, but with the locks gone, I felt like lowering the legs a little more.

But the GI Joe Mean Dog is a really, really fun toy! A jewel in my collection. The GI Joe Mean Dog is NOT available on Amazon (Duh!)